Q & A

Can I just say I’m angry and sad and scared? Because, I am ALL OF THOSE.

I am angry and sad that we are stuck at home instead of on vacation in Las Vegas watching basketball games and playing slots with friends.

I am sad that my kiddos have been sick with Influenza A. High fevers. Cough. Lack of sleep.

I am sad that also means we can’t go see Grandparents because we have been exposed to the flu.

I am angry that the gym is closed. Working out at home is no fun.

I am angry at myself.

I did not take any of this seriously. I am a nurse and I did not take it seriously. I was one of those people. I was determined to go to Vegas, no matter what. This was no worse than the flu…or so I thought.

But that changed. That changed quickly. It all changed so quickly. The virus made it here. People are dying. The stories I’ve read are heartbreaking. It’s serious now. It was serious in the beginning. But I blew it off. A lot of people blew it off.

I’m scared. I’m 100% terrified of what is coming in the next few weeks and months. In my home. At my workplace. In the country. I’m scared of it all.

There are still people who are out doing whatever they want. “I’m young. Doesn’t matter if I get it, I’ll be fine.” The Spring break videos have blown my mind. Some people just don’t get it. They are beyond selfish. And, those who are panic buying ALL the toilet paper. Why did that even happen? Why is it still happening?

I’m sad. I’m sad about schools being closed. Don’t get me wrong here. Extra family time is a blessing. Even my husband has been home because he is a teacher. I have a feeling our school will not re-open on March 31st…scratch that, April 8th. I think we are homeschooling through April, maybe the rest of the school year.

THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR. I need to accept that that is a real possibility. But I don’t want to. I’m the mom. Not the teacher. I don’t want to be the teacher.

Changes are hard. Hard for everyone. But you have no idea how hard a break in routine is for kiddos on the spectrum and their parents. It has been a roller coaster so far and it’s only the beginning. Before this is all over, we will be on every roller coaster in the park. At least twice.

Q & A: Quarantine and Autism

You thought it was Question and Answer, didn’t you? Maybe one day I’ll do that. But, not today. I am too drained for that.

When I first heard the schools were closing for two weeks, I didn’t care. We were knee deep in puke, fevers, coughs and exhaustion.

Then on Day 1 of homeschool, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My biggest fear for my sweet girl.

The “R” word. A terrifying word in the world of Autism.

Regression.

Brenly had a really great last couple of weeks at school. She was working hard. She was doing her homework with little to no prompting. While I admit that Common Core is not easy for her (or me), she was doing it. Her teacher even sent a note home that said “You are being a wonderful first grader.” I nearly cried when I read it.

Day 1 of homeschooling she said she wanted to go to school. I tried to explain it the best I could. It didn’t work. We abandoned the days lesson because she was so upset and so was I.

Brenly was also killing it at feeding therapy. For those that don’t know, kiddos on the spectrum and with sensory processing issues can have very limited diets. Some will only eat certain brands of food and believe it or not, can tell the difference if you go the cheaper route. Some will only eat certain color foods. Some will only eat foods if they are presented the exact same way every time. For example, if you cut a sandwich in triangles, you better cut it that way every time. Because of our therapy at Easterseals and our wonderful therapist (We love our Miss Meghan), Brenly has been expanding her diet for a year. She will FINALLY eat meat…lunch meat, if we cut it in fun shapes, but it is meat and it is a step in the right direction. She will finally eat 2 different kinds of protein bars instead of one. She will eat more fruits. We are trying with vegetables. It’s all progress.

But, what if?

What if, because I don’t know what I’m doing, she starts to go backwards? Our routine is gone. OUT THE WINDOW. Brenly misses her teachers and her friends and her routine.

What if school is out until August? I am not equipped to teach my own daughter. How is that for a sobering thought? Not to mention, she doesn’t want me to teach her. She wants her beloved Ms. Winkler and Ms. Monroe. I do too.

We are trying. We are using a lot of bribery. Sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn’t.

We have meltdowns. We have sadness. We have anger. We have impatience. We have yelling. We have successes. We have failures.

We have our family. We have love. We have a home. We have food. We are safe.

And even if not in person, we have Brenly’s teachers and therapists. They have checked on her. They have given us things to try. Ideas. They are instrumental in Brenly’s growth as a learner and a person. Without them, we would have the “R” word at a rapid rate.

We may still have regression by the time this is all over. It will be minimal compared to what it could be because of the people who are dedicated to helping my sweet girl be the best she can be.

We will make it through one week, one day, one hour, one second, one roller coaster ride at a time.

Q & A to be continued…

#beautifullifeofbrenly